miserable self..

there are times tht you wanna voice out what is in your mind... what is in your heart..it's so hard to voice out..you might hurt ppl's feeling by saying it out and tht's the time you have to keep everything to yourself..the pain is even more painful than you can imagine..the pain is so unbearable..after crying i'll get a nice sleep cause crying,depressed,tension, and everything that hurts me...i felt a heartbroken oce.. i don know whether is it a heartbroken or i'm hurt... aren't i'm dumb?i cat even differentiate what feeling is that... seriously i'm not matured to say the truth..everybody treating me like a kid..i wonder when is my time to grow up...and why i'm not matured yet...do i have to go through a painful experience to egt matured? there's always a way isn't it other tan taking a road like that..people understand the way i act and everything... but still they wouldnt understand the completely me..of course i dont expect people to understand me soo much.. even my parents don know myself so well...and not only them even myself.... i don know wat i wan...when it comes to love i seriously don know how to differentiate... i messages alot with people around me..i know one of my habit is tht once i trust this person tht i know...i'll stick to them alot..cause the fact is i trust them by the way they act..the way they talk,the way they would care for you...it's not tht i wan you to have the wrong concept...but it's true tht i treat everyone like tht..when i trust you... i don care whether you're a girl or a boy... i trust you because my heart says so tht i could trust you..i seriously don see you as a guy or a girl...you don know how happy am i tht i always mention the ppl i mix around in front of my mum,my friends because i wan them to know you're a great friend to me..and i hated the most tht ppl keep saying you like him or he like you.. you know.. sometimes when you think about it..you'll be afraid of him cause you afraid he might really think so..and you'll feel embarassed to play with them like usual..you couldnt even talk to him properl and there is where you might get the wrong message tht you like him..or mayb you did like him.. just tht you don admit it.. i am tht kind of person tht ppl cnt tell me how i feel or how they feel..cause i easily fall for it..it happens to me ALL the time..and i'm afraid of hurting and being hurt..this is why most of the time i reject ppl's feelings..but so far...the only true confession is from him..hahahaha...i'm amazed actually..i didnt know...i seriously didnt know tht my attitude could turn out like tht...if i knew i wouldnt do tht from the start.. i would have keep myself quiet.. think nothing but studies..but i couldnt because this is my trueself...i couldnt survive without ppl around me...i always need helps from ppl because i'm just a weakling....i don know what should i do.... i'm training myself to be strong now...i'm trying not to depends on others..i wont voice anything out from now on so ppl doesnt know how i feel...from now on no more emo tweets on twitter... no more emo status on facebook... this might be the last one...i'll just voice out in here...thanks blog....i've talk to much today...